The Cycle of Abuse was developed in the late 1970s. It is here in an adapted form. It is a useful tool that can help make sense of what often happens in an abusive relationship. There are often 3 distinct phases in an abusive relationship. Each phase of the relationship is abusive, but in different ways and with different effects.
The cycle is totally in the control of the abusive partner. Women tell us that trying to cope with and avoid the build up and blow up phases of the cycle consumes all their energy and concentration. The focus of the relationship is on his immediate needs, moods, wants, and demands coupled with her desire to stop the abuse (how can I fix this? what can I do?).
No matter what she does, he will be abusive in some way.